Lisa SXXXXXXXX

24 December 20XX

Reptile House

REPTILE HOUSE

It was so dark out, but I sat on the porch, anyways. I didn’t wanna be inside, and I didn’t think I’d wait forever. I smoked, and besides the moon, and the snow… that’s all I could see, really.

I’d rather be cold than breathe your filthy air. You, Dad, and you, Mom, and you too, Shingo-san, I’d rather die. There’s so many different ways I’d rather be tortured than doing what you ask. Paddles, belts, chains, clamps, a battery… you can rub piss and vodka on my scars. Do anything but make me do that.

I wasn’t waiting long. The snow came down really hard when I finally got in his car, and I wanted to just drive and watch it fall. It was like, really pretty, and I could’ve stayed there. I didn’t wanna check the time. I didn’t wanna get out, or even look at him.

When we got to the parking lot, we made eye-contact, and I felt really embarrassed. And that pissed me off. The whole thing just pissed me the fuck off. I hated him, I couldn’t fucking stand his stupid face, his stupid haircut, his stupid T-shirts, his weak wrists, his stomach skin, not anymore. He’s a fucking worm. Do you like, really think I love you? Get those filthy eyes off me.

We had to do that thing he makes me do sometimes, where we like, hold hands, or each other’s arms. I coulda gagged. I could gag, like he makes me when I think of him.

We’re walking around, looking at all the Christmas lights they put up. “Having fun?” he asks.

“Yes!” I say, like I really mean it, like the girls on TV, or in porn movies. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” I wanna know how far I can take it. When will he get that I’m not interested?

“Yes,” he says, slowly, deliberately, “yes it is.” Don’t act like a prince now, dick-cheese. C’mon, when’s it gonna happen? When’s he gonna ask me to drop my pants and face the wall?

There’s so many pretty people around. There’s so many girls with like, really good bodies and handsome boyfriends. Some are holding hands, hugging, taking pictures… it looks like love. They look like they’re so in love, in this really pretty place.

It’s so dark out, but all the lights are so colorful and bright, and, it reminds me of an arcade. It reminds me of laser tag, which, I only ever played once for my… older sister’s birthday party. I was really little, but that’s not important. His hands are sweaty.

Life is a game.

I gotta wonder what all these chicks think of me and this roach. I gotta wonder what they think of my skinny-little… self. It makes me sad thinking about it. It pisses me off even more, too. Pop the question, Shingo-san. Let’s get this over with. We’re finished, tonight.

He whispers in my ear. Guess what words: something-something “bathroom,” something-something “private,” something-something “you,” yeah, yeah, uh-huh, I get it, let’s get down to business. It’s like… like this every time.

We find a bathroom in the reptile house. I don’t know what time it is now, but it’s really late. It’s really cold outside, too, but it’s hot as shit in here. Lizards always grossed me out. I don’t like slimy, icky, sticky things. Yeah, just like you, you fucking reptile.

There’s nobody in here. I stare at him, and he stares at me. I bet you’re salivating. I bet you’re already undressing me in your head.

“You’ve been very kind. What do you want me to do?” I ask him. He doesn’t say anything. He digs around in his pants for something. Don’t you fucking tell me.

He pulls out some cheap-ass condoms. I recognize that brand.

“Okay, and?”

He looks me dead in the eyes. “All the way,” he says.

“You’re kidding. Here?”

“I’m dead serious.”

“No way.” I start laughing, not because it’s funny. Actually, I guess it’s a little funny, for him to think his pencil-dick could go inside me. Keep dreaming.

“Lisa,” he says, “Lisa. For all that I have… for everything I’ve done for you, can’t you give me this one thing? We don’t even have to be a couple—”

“No. That’s not part of the deal.”

“What deal? What are you talking about? What, did we sign a contract?”

“Oh, please. Don’t tell me you got attached.”

“Lisa, I’ve been attached! Since freshman year, since I first saw you. I’ve had it out for you since then, isn’t it fucking obvious? That’s why I can’t stand—”

“We’re just friends.”

“Yeah, right.”

“Y’know, and, like,” I almost start laughing, “this is honestly kinda perfect. You see, I was thinking about, y’know, calling it off, and—”

“Fucking what?! Are you kidding me? You’re gonna play with my emotions like that and then ditch me? You’re a fucking whore, Lisa, you’re a fucking dirty cunt for that, and you deserve everything that’s ever happened to you, you slut.”

“Is that all you got, Shingo-san?” Oh, now I’m just asking for it. But what’s the worst you can do?

He pushes me to the ground and climbs on top of me. “Get off! Get the fuck off me! Fucking get off, Jacob, stop!”

He grabs my wrists and pushes his tongue all over me. He takes his hands and starts undoing his pants and when I try to push him off he hits me.

I start screaming and don’t stop.

My skirt is soaking wet.

I pissed all over the floor.